The One Thing Caitlin Clark Can't Do
The facts tell the story here, and you don’t need a degree in music theory to read between the staff.
NCAA Wooden Award Recipient. WNBA Rookie of the Year. Time Magazine Athlete of the Year.
On her way to becoming one of the most recognizable figures in American sports, Caitlin Clark received every possible superlative in 2024. However, there is still one distinction that she’s earned, but has yet to receive credit for. Fortunately, we here at Unadvanced Analytics took notice. We proclaim Caitlin Clark:
Worst Singer in State Farm Commercial History
This argument is not one of the ethos variety: Though I sang in my high school’s select choice as a Tenor I, I sang quietly enough for the actual good singers to drown me out. Nor is this an argument based on pathos: I’m a huge fan of Clark’s and to this day, my piece from March about her ascension (and the opinions of Cafe Guy) is one my most positively-received pieces, but this is not about my perception of her.
Rather, the facts tell the story here, and you don’t need a degree in music theory to read between the staff.
“Rookie Move”
First, take a moment to rewatch the (excellent) commercial.
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Clark’s ad spot with State Farm is called “Rookie Move”, a play on her preparation for her sophomore season and the mistakes that come with being new at something.
It’s a good joke, and a good premise for a commercial. But what makes it such a great ad is Clark’s performance.
She’s a good comedic actress! Her deadpan delivery is the same as her postgame interviews with Holly Rowe, and it is right at home in this driveway set. She supplies her punchlines – “Ancient history” – without any feeling whatsoever, and it’s delightful. The director seems to be playing on her strengths, putting her in positions to succeed, and Clark is thriving.
She walks into the garage of these strangers, finds a lawn chair, carries it out with one hand, fluffs it open, tosses it nonchalantly on the ground, and tells them, “Here, pull up a chair.” Haha! It’s wonderful!
When it’s finally time for her to deliver the State Farm slogan, you can just picture her on the breakaway, and all she needs to do is lay the ball in.
Only, she does not deliver the State Farm slogan the way that every single other State Farm slogan has ever been delivered. “Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there,” she says.
Not sings. Says. Says!
“Kirsten!” I yelled from the living room while she was working in the office. “Can Caitlin Clark sing?” She didn’t respond, so I assumed I was being too quiet. “KIRSTEN!”
She told me she was busy and not to bother her. This would be a solo mission, apparently.
Why would the State Farm director have Caitlin Clark read the slogan rather than sing it? I thought I remembered another commercial appearance of hers that debuted at the peak of her meteoric rise in 2024.
In this ad, she stars alongside Jimmy Butler and Reggie Miller, two random basketball legends who get to wear sweatsuits while she is stuck in her full Iowa uniform.
I thought, Is that weird?
I couldn’t find another athlete who wore their jersey in a State Farm ad: not Butler, Miller, James Harden, DeAndre Jordan, Patrick Mahomes, Travis Kelce, Derrick Henry, or Aaron Rodgers. If they are made to wear a jersey, it’s usually some red, State Farm-y thing.
The only “player” I could find in a jersey was Alfonso Ribeiro as The New Chris Paul.
However, since I started drafting this piece, a new spot featuring Juju Watkins appeared, and she is wearing her jersey as well.
Maybe there is an NIL rule that specifies that college athletes must be wearing their official uniforms. I considered calling State Farm to speak to enough representatives until I got transferred to Jake himself, but last time I called them asking for a quote they didn’t stop badgering me for months, so I’m choosing to stop the journalistic inquiry in the hypothesis phase.
ANYWAY.
State Farm did Clark dirty in this first ad. She’s wearing a lot of makeup, she doesn’t look comfortable, she seems out of place. She’s not bad: she’s still funny in her two lines. But for some reason, the script presents her as irritated and kind of grumpy.
Then Butler sets us up for the jingle, which he and Clark deliver together.
Clark set the basketball world on fire in 2024 and deserves every accolade she’s received. She’s a transcendent, generational star who, if we’re lucky, is going to be a figurehead of all sports for decades to come.
But she cannot sing.
We return to the driveway.
The camera gives her a closeup when she says, “Whoa! You need someone with more experience,” thus cueing up the jingle.
This is where the concerted effort by the directorial team shines through. They clearly decided to right the wrongs of the last commercial and set her up for success. All of the good decisions coalesce: the script is better, the makeup is better, she’s not sharing the stage with two other male players. They have her performing actions – the golf swing, carrying the chair – to aid her line reading. (Kirsten tells me that it’s easier to seem natural if an actor is doing something, rather than standing still.)
Finally, the stroke of genius: she doesn’t sing the jingle.
Jewel Lloyd sang it (well). Ludacris sang it (poorly). Jimmy Fallon sang it with a toothbrush in his mouth. In the newest ad, Juju sings it. Everyone always sings it, but Clark does not sing it.
However that decision was made, it was the right one. Clark seems poised, confident, and they almost manage to get us to forget that she can’t sing. But of course, nothing gets by Unadvanced Analytics.
During my revision stage, Kirsten offered this advice:
“You should talk about how Cailtin Clark had to visit Jake from State Farm after she got drafted.”
“What?”
“Yeah. I’m pretty sure that when she got drafted, she did her interview, and then she walked down a tunnel just to see Jake from State Farm.”
Not only was Kirsten right, but this scene is even more awkward than you’re imagining. If you’d made it this far, it’s worth watching.
Three Final Questions
Remember when Jake from State Farm was a different guy? The telemarketer in khakis?
Is this Jake from State Farm the most famous celebrity whose true identity nobody knows? This is the thing of superheroes.
When State Farm signed Clark, they posted this “jersey” photo. Is it funny or weird?
